Mountains to Climb
Welcome to summer! Hard to believe that summer is really here already. I've been in something of a time warp with all these goings on, but as we all know...the world keeps turning. I've been turning some thoughts around in my head as to how to approach this blog. I want my blog to be inspiring, but I also want it to be honest as well.
For the honest...brain injuries suck. I find myself fatigued and more easily tired. When I'm tired I get cranky and short fused which isn't fun for those around me. I have brain pain every day. The heat makes my brain hurt. I'm still struggling with the whole idea that I will never be the same person I was before December 28, 2015. My memory isn't what it used to be. I still have a dent in my head the size of the Grand Canyon. People look at me and think I "look and sound normal" so I must be the same person I was before...and, I rarely correct them because I want so badly for that to be the truth. These are just a few of the things that I am working through every day. I'm not bitching about them, it is what it is at the moment... There's not enough honesty in this world, so there is some of mine...
For the inspiring part....Every single day I find a way to challenge or push myself. I refuse to waste away in a personal pity party. No one asks for something so unexpectedly crazy to happen in their lives. We can address all the emotions to the situation and we have "every right to cry and scream" as necessary according to the wise words of one of my personal heroes, Ms. Patty Burgin. I have my moments like these certainly and I need to allow myself to do experience all the feelings that come along with my situation. BUT, I am not going to allow this to cripple me. I am still the same stubborn, independent and driven fighter I have always been.
I want everyone to know that I am not going to let my BAT keep me on the couch! This past week we went to Fort Bragg, CA as we do every year to dive for abalone (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abalone). I have been doing this literally my whole life. This trip my family refused to let me dive from the shore in case I were to slip and fall and knock my head which is certainly a possibility on kelp covered rocks. I had to sit on the sidelines for two dives, and that was no fun! I'd much rather have been in the water! But, I knew it wasn't worth the risk. I am trying to push myself, but not in such a way that I do more harm than good to myself.
Thankfully, my step-dad, Don was able to get us a dive off of a boat! It felt so awesome to fall back into the ocean with my gear on. It was like a saltwater baptism of sorts! I love the ocean and when we dive it's like being in a whole other world. Not too many people are okay with diving off a boat 200 yards off shore on the North Coast of California...but, to us it's an amazing privileged for sure! So, we did our dive, I got my 3 abs, and I felt so happy to know that I am still able to do something that I love. That swim back to the boat was a long one for me and I was definitely tired, but I made it!
I feel like my "job" right now is to heal myself as much as I can mentally, emotionally, and physically. I found a really cool way to do that this month. I have been participating in a "streaking" with a facebook group of over 500 people across the world (#streakingwiththeCOOLKIDS). Every day during the month of June we are challenged to walk, hike, or run at least 1 mile a day. So far I am 20 days in and keeping up my streak. Trust me, it sounds way easier than it is. The other night I almost quit because I didn't think I had it in me and I was coming up with 1,000 excuses as to why I couldn't do my mile. But, I forced myself, at 10 pm, to walk a mile around the neighborhood. It was a snails pace, but I did it!
I believe that we all have our excuses as to why we can't or won't do things. I challenge you to get past whatever mental hurdles you are facing and do your own mile- whatever that "mile" is for you. We only get one go around on this great big world and we are not guaranteed 100 years. It's important to know your limitations, but it's equally important to push past your comfort zone sometimes. Find that dream or that one thing you've always wanted to do and find a way to do it. Find your goal and actively put the steps in place to reach it. If you just keep bobbing around in the ocean you'll never get anywhere but where the tides chose to take you.
So, I will end with sharing this...I have always loved to hike and I have wanted to backpack the 30 miles between Donner Summit/ Castle Peak to Sierra City on the Pacific Crest Trail. This stretch is some of the most beautiful scenery in the Sierra Nevada Mountains and also faces the dangers of being extremely remote on many portions. It's probably one of the best opportunities to escape civilization a bit that you can find in California. Everything you have is carried on your back and you're totally self-reliant with no cell coverage for most of it. And yes, there are plenty of "critters" out there as well. This trip can be a challenge even for the super fit and experienced backpacker. You know where I'm heading with this, right? :)
In early July, my good friend Beth and I are planning to hike these 30 miles over the course of 4 days. I am so excited and looking forward to the challenge and the time just being on the trail. I am not gonna sit around and think "someday I'm gonna hike that portion of the PCT." I am going to do it now. There are again, 1,000 excuses why I shouldn't, but I know in my heart that I can do this and I will come out at the end with the answers to questions you can't find unless you just get away from everything for a few days. I will of course keep ya'll posted!
Please do me the favor of searching your heart for your goals- no matter how big or small- and find a way to accomplish some of them. You will see that it energizes your life and increases your pride and confidence in yourself and your abilities. Even if you fail, there will be lessons learned to help you grow as a person. Find your courage to do those things that you keep putting off. Don't listen to the 1,000's of excuses why you can't- find the one reason why you can.
Love, light, and happiness to ya'll! Thanks for your continued support while I work to find my "new normal."
I leave you with this very special song that is so inspiring and so real to me...
With Love,
Mel