Everything's Gonna Be Alright

Hey y'all- It's been a minute, hasn't it? Sorry for the extended delay, but it's been a long and heavy winter. I'm excited for the spring sunshine and I'm ready to say goodbye to the darkness that has held me hostage during the winter months. Thanks to those who have encouraged me to get back to it. In June my BAT (Big Ass Tumor) removal surgery will be 2.5 years behind me. Hard to believe, right?! I've done some soul searching in the meantime and I've learned a lot about the recovery process, never giving up, and that sometimes it's okay to not be okay.

As most of you know, I have pushed myself mentally, physically, and emotionally to recover. I have accomplished a great many things, but I also have learned that somethings are harder than I expected them to be. I have challenged myself to have a vision and purpose and to reach those no matter how long it might take to get there. Some days there is more darkness than light and I have made it my goal that this blog be encouraging for others- when you're in a spot of darkness it can be hard to authentically encourage, thus my hiatus. But, you know what? THAT IS OKAY!

This has been an incredibly challenging journey and I consider every day that I am here a miracle. The fact is, some days have been real challenges for me. It can feel like deep personal torture that it takes great effort to do some of the things that used to come natural to me. What I have learned though, is that it's okay to accept that this is hard and some days I'm extremely sad/ mad/ frustrated/ overwhelmed/ depressed/ or just plain pissed off. I finally understand that these feelings are not bad things. It's alright to have these emotions and grieve for what was. I have learned to experience my personal grieving process, let it strengthen me, and continue to move forward.

What happened to me was not a tragedy. Losing a loved one too soon is a tragedy. I have grappled with the idea that I should not feel anything except for thankful to be alive, yet it is absolutely understandable to have emotions surrounding such a life altering experience... This has been HARD. Emotionally, financially, physically and so much more. Words are still hard for me! My memory is a daily challenge. It's okay to grieve that your life has been turned upside down. It doesn't mean that you're ungrateful to be alive- it means that you are HUMAN! I am not perfect, but I am doing the work! We all have our own personal struggles every single day, I encourage you to allow yourself to experience those feelings (there is no RIGHT amount of time), keep your grief in perspective and let it strengthen you, and allow your grief to give you a platform to connect to your truth.

My challenge has been overcoming a brain tumor- that thing that on TV or movies where people say, "Thank God it wasn't a brain tumor!" Every day is a step forward past it and an opportunity to find my true north, to make my life mean something, and to renew my purpose. Socrates once said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." Examine your life and its purpose. Find ways to make a difference in your own family or your community. Set huge goals for yourself and then smash them. You might be slow in accomplishing them and sometimes you may feel like you're going backwards, but I know that if you dig deep you will find a way to keep moving forward and reach those goals!

Love yourself through the healing process- whatever you're healing from. We are all survivors of something and we must release judgement against ourselves and those around us. Feel your frustrations without self judgement. Continue to love yourself during the process. I believe the more you face your fears the stronger you will become. Keep everything in perspective. Choose where you will put your energy and make sure that it's something that matters. You may do something small for someone and never realize the affect it's had on their lives. Maybe kids aren't your thing, maybe it's rescue animals or history or airplanes-who knows!? Just find a way to give of yourself as it is the best gift to others and yourself.

Most of you know I do quite a bit with our local youth and it's not always easy, but incredibly rewarding. I can't tell you how much it means to have these kids come up with a huge smile on their face when they see me and give me a big hug. A certain young man (10 years old) saw me yesterday at an incredibly difficult and heartbreaking event and was so happy to see me that he asked me to sit by him at his table. Of course my answer was "Absolutely!" At one point, I had to graciously excuse myself for a few minutes to speak with someone but I promised I would be right back. When I returned to our table, I found him sitting there patiently. He had put the the best gift on my chair...my heart just melted... (See below) I put my heart out there for our kids and they never cease to return my efforts tenfold. Thank you B. You are a precious young man. <3 You just never know how your presence in someone's life matters to them.

I know this is a long one and I have more to say, but it's meant to be a blog, not a book. :) I am extremely thankful to all of you for your love, support, harassment (lol) and encouragement. Whatever you are going through, it will work out as it should in the end. You know I can't leave you without a song of meaning for me. This one is new and from one of my favorite country music singers and another who I have missed hearing! I think Kenney and I would be good friends... This is absolutely my summer jam and has so much truth!

Love, Light, Happiness, and peace within your soul my friends. Allow yourself to feel and then allow those feelings to make you stronger in the end. It's a Good Day. To quote the late Stephen Hawking, "There should be no boundaries to human endeavor. We are all different. However bad life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. While there's life, there is hope."

-Melany

PS...more about what I have actually been up to and what's next for me in my next blog- coming soon! Promise! xoxo